Anyone scared of public speaking?

I used to be terrified of being seen, vulnerable, or put on the spot. Sweating, shaking, and shit, like I’d just run a marathon. People staring at me like, what is wrong with you? 😂

Interviews were a nightmare. The minute I sat down, it was like one of those Men in Black wands got flashed in front of my eyes and my memory was completely wiped. They’d introduce themselves, and I’d just slowly stand up and walk out the door because I’d forgotten my name. LOL.

Okay, enough jokes. What’s the deal with this?

It’s a fight or flight response. But why do social situations put us into this mode?

To understand that, we have to go back to the ancient brain of early humans. Before the development of the large frontal lobes, survival was a daily concern. This was long before modern luxuries like running water, secure shelter, cities, and electricity.

This part of the brain was trained to stay alert for danger: tigers, snakes, violent people from other tribes, etc.

That part of the brain still exists, only now most of the old triggers of real danger are few and far between. Today, the triggers are mostly perceived threats:

An off-handed comment by a coworker.
No one liking your post.
A group of people excluding you because you’re different.

While uncomfortable, these are not actual threats to your life. But ancient wiring signals exclusion as a life-or-death event because thousands of years ago, being kicked out of the tribe often meant death without community support and connection.

Here’s the interesting part.

Before and during the public storytelling event I recently did, which was attended by 40 to 60 people, I had almost no nervousness at all.

Why? How can that be?

Below are some actionable steps and mindset mechanisms that help keep my nerves calm and my mind fairly quiet these days, in almost every situation.

#1 What thoughts do you have on a regular basis?

Awareness is almost always the first step.

Observe your thoughts for periods of time. It really helps to write them down. I highly recommend writing them down. No, for real, get some paper. Set a timer for five minutes and write every thought. All of them.

It’s pretty interesting. You realize you don’t actually notice a lot of what’s happening in your mind on a daily basis.

You’ll start to discover patterns of thought. When you become aware of your thoughts, you have the chance to rewrite them!

Start here.

#2 How often do you check in with yourself emotionally?

Sure, when you’re maxed out, angry, or sobbing because you’re sad or frustrated, it’s easy to notice.

But what about:

• 2 p.m. on a Saturday?
• Before church?
• After lunch?

You’ll notice that along with patterns of thought, you also have patterns of emotion. Thoughts usually lead emotions.

Write these down too.

You’ll discover patterns of emotion.

Continue here.

#3 Now put the two together

Before a meeting or presentation, notice the thoughts and the emotions that follow.

Maybe the thoughts are:

• “I didn’t prepare enough.”
• “They aren’t going to take me seriously.”
• “I could have done a better job.”
• “I wish I didn’t have to do this.”
• "My outfit is weird."

These are often followed by anxiety, a faster heart rate, sweating, dread, and sometimes full nervous system activation.

Hello, fight or flight.

#4 Okay, I see the patterns. Now what?

I got you.

The first thing to realize is this: you are the master of your body, breath, thoughts, and emotions. But after years, or decades, of conditioning, they start to feel like they’re running on autopilot.

The mind starts it. The emotions follow. Sound familiar?

Since you are in charge, the fastest way to calm things down is through the body, using the breath.

Try this:

Take a big breath in through your nose.
Then, like you’re blowing through a straw, slowly let the breath out through your mouth.

Do this for three cycles, or about 30 seconds.

Boom. Instant calm.

Put all your awareness on the breath. You can also add a 2 to 4 second pause at the top of the inhale to maximize the effect.

Here’s why this works.

Fast breathing increases heart rate, blood flow, and activates fight or flight.

Slow exhales and gentle pauses do the opposite. They slow the heart rate and signal the nervous system, “We’re safe.”

This is the cheat code.

#5 Use it

Now that you understand your nervous system a little more, and realize you actually have control over how you respond to life, put this into practice.

Side note: your body cannot be full of fear, nervousness, and anxiety if it is physically relaxed.

So, in these moments, start with the breath, then add these:

• Relax the forehead
• Relax the eyes
• Relax the jaw
• Drop the shoulders
• Soften the belly

Slow the breathing. Long exhales. Blow most of the air out of your lungs. Big inhales. Pause at the top. Slow release.

Just like your mind and body learned fear responses over time, they can also learn calm. With practice, calm becomes the default.

One more thing. I am okay with myself. It took a long while to let go of the value I placed on other people’s opinions of me. That journey and roadmap is for another time though. Being safe in my own body is number one.

Congratulations for making it this far!!

As a bonus, here’s a video I recorded of my public storytelling. I hope you enjoy it, and please share it if you think it might inspire someone.

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Much love,
​Casey ❤️